Pumpkin 3.14159

It is....... Friday, 12:22am and i'm blogging, and i'm feeling pretty down in the dumps. I'm somewhat pissed at myself, because i knew what i was getting myself into, yet i still didn't listen and told myself, "DET, you got this". Everything isn't a fucking game, especially when you hurt people, including yourself. I set myself up for a trap and fell for it, oh gee, karma's at it again!



This is a pretty depressing post, i'd stop reading it. I mean seriously, this ALWAYS happens. I for some odd reason, always like to challenge myself and set my sights for something that's hard as fuck to achieve. Who am i fooling, i'm not an amazing magician who can break and crack everyone, i'm just a normal person like everyone else. It just sucks you know, all that effort, just thrown out the window. You work so hard on building a good foundation, then you realize, why the fuck am i building a house in the first place.



Time doesn't change people, even if it's five years. Sure they change in appearance, but they don't change their ways, thats just who they are. I mean they can pull off a whole new front, but deep down, they're still the same. But hey, i'm pretty much the same in that situation, a kid who was probably the ugliest, creepiest kid that anyone has ever met into something else. A more confident, social kid who loves making peoples day. But at a price. Who would've thought that new clothes, better hygiene and hair wax could change the way people act towards you. Frankly, it's stupid. I'm too fucking sensitive for my own good.



I don't even want to go anymore. Yeah, it's that sincere. What's the point i mean yeah, it'll be a good time, but fk right now, it's not worth it. Theres still another one, bigger one next year. Yet, i don't know what i'm tripping for, i knew it all along, i just never listen to myself.



I think a big flaw about me is that i constantly ask for advice, yet never heed it. I also give advice to others, but i don't even follow my own advice. How am i supposed to ever expect to have people listen to me, or hang out with me if my head is so rock hard. Ahhh, yet, i thought that "it" would be so much more, but who am i kidding, i'm just digging myself deeper in the hole.



The list to remind myself:
This will make no sense
Flirt, Availability, Personality, Jealousy, Logic, Shallowness

meh.